Her Higher Vibes

She sang me like a song, Everything she said to me I could feel in my soul. She said things before I could even think them brave and valiant was her whole makeup. I wanted to dress like her, talk like her at times I felt like I wanted to be her sometimes. She was my EVERYTHING, the being I prayed to God for, except……..she didn’t come in the package my king told me she was supposed to come in. Is that really a thing? She was my special private prayer but since I didn’t have a proper father my forefathers birthed kings that would lead the way and tell me how a king is supposed to pray.

My kings told me that that I should follow their lead and a true king needs to have a true queen. They told me she should look like Vanessa Williams have celebrity valor and with more of a light complexion. Even though I prayed for a queen that looked like me, wore the same scars as me understood me to a core I was also afraid that our children would whether our personal war & because she, my prayer understood me completely because she was like me she was subject to the same issues as me the same insecurities as me and God forbid the same bullies as me. The same ugly words used against me would be used against her. The same stones I threw back to the fathers, kings and opposition would be thrown at her. So to fight my enemy I decided to become like my enemy & of course only I would know that I’m nothing more than a frenemy they would think they’re like kin to me while I figure out how to get my wish my dream my queen to be with me.

20 years into this simulation and I don’t have a way out I was only told the way in. All my sweet beliefs that I came in with have slowly left out to be replaced with the information my alpha kings have spread out. Dress like this, act like this, marry like this, date like this: keep them on the outside looking in. Keep them guessing.

& My prayer, my queen my dream has moved on those dreams of the grand things that sung my heart once are seemingly gone. The irony is that I expect for someone to fight for me, bring back the light and life to me that once was, cause only now that I stop do I realize that it has never left it just changed directions and the way it affects us or at least affects me at least and I could get it all back if I just believe. I just need to change my energy. Focus it solely on me and directly cover the ones that mean the most to me. Physically, emotionally and mentally because it doesn’t just have to be a mental dream it could be a physical manifestation if I could just break free of the words of the Kings that plague me.